Message for the Stagnant and Heartbroken

Recently, I have been running into several people experiencing high degrees of dissatisfaction with regards to their personal lives, specifically within the scope of partners and mates. Regardless of the language you use, we are all in some way, looking for love. The price is often way higher than it should be because there isn't an agreement between body and spirit. Instead of coming to an understanding within, we tend to look without our whole selves intact. The body and the spirit must agree, otherwise there is conflict. That conflict leads to dis-ease and then it's all down hill from there.

The saying goes when discussing love, "If you look for it, you won't find it." I tend to agree and think that "If you are ready and open for it, love will find you." But what does that mean to be ready and open? How can you tell if you are ready to be in a relationship, or when it's time to leave one? The key to these questions lie in how committed you are to ensuring your human success. The earth plane requires a great deal more attention to detail than most people are willing to acknowledge. It all boils down to honest self-evaluation and awareness. The following are things that I have learned and observed in the past few weeks, use them as you see fit.

*Who are you? There is no way to create effective and functional relationships with others, if you have no clue as to who you are. We are living in a time where masking our feelings, desires and even ourselves, is the call of the day. Like any lie, after awhile, it starts to unravel, until the truth is staring you right in the face. Be honest about who you are. You will attract the person that most reflects you on the inside. (Scary isn't it?)

*Be faithful. The universe does not want you to fail, but who is to say that you don't? We receive messages all day long, that are only of any real use, when listened to. Your spirit lies within certain parts of your body, your gut is one of them. You need to trust yourself and have faith in spirit. If something feels wrong, don't think it out to be right. We all have communities that love us and hold us dear, even when we screw up. Let the love of those that are true to you be your measuring stick, not the fear that comes in when faith is lacking.

*Be honest. There are a number of folks out there who are not being honest with the people they are with and there are several folks, taking shit from people in return. You have to take charge of your life and be clear on what you want and what you don't want. Any relationship worth having is worth working on, BUT to what extent? Don't confuse compromise with martyrism.

*Be consistent. We tend to be very inconsistent and then wonder why we have relationship issues. We say we want someone who is affectionate and then date people who are cold. We say we want someone who will accept us for who we are and then marry a critic. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Strike a balance between what is possible and what really matters to you and be consistent.

*Relate on your level. This is the biggest hit that I have gotten throughout the course of the past two weeks. "Level" in this case, does not relate to hierarchy, as much as it relates to self-awareness. As people come together there is a vetting process that should take place. At some point in every relationship, we all realize that someone is either on or not on, our level. It is not rocket science and it usually glaringly apparent. Even if you can't see it, your friends and family usually can. A functional relationship is functional because both parties share more than similarities, they have a mutual understanding about their place in the world and see a common goal that is attainable regardless, of whether that other person is in his or her life. When you are with someone on your own level, you are able to be a whole person, instead of the "two halves" rhetoric that is often associated with relationships, particularly marriage.

Heartbreak, disappointment and loss are part of life, because they teach us the lessons we need to learn in order make life on the earth plane fulfilling. Unfortunately the lack of communication between body and spirit keep us making the same mistakes over and over again. If you really want love in your life, open your eyes--it's all around you. Bring your body and spirit to the table and agree on a path forward, the rest will work itself out.

Humbly,

IA

High Fire, Wild Fire

In preparation for an annual conference, I decided to fast. I enjoy fasting and lead group fasting sessions as a way to help those not used to fasting and support experienced fasters. I find that every fast is different. Some are effortless, while others can be extremely challenging. This recent experience was a little of both.

The plan was seven days. Odd numbers for me anyway, are more powerful and I tend to work with herbs and rituals that encompass odd numbers. The week went by quite nicely, although in the midst of the week,we have been finalizing promotional materials. I have also been on spring break from classes, which is another reason I was excited to fast.I have started my Bikram yoga practice again and was able to two days while fasting, so needless to say, it was coming together.

On Thursday this week, one of my clients had a gig and we were up until about 5am working on the promo piece after that. When I finally went to sleep, I had strange dreams that included an accidental murder and band gig where the band got paid in meat.in the dream I ate a lamb chop.

I woke up extremely disorientated and had a "hit" that I had pushed to hard.I was able to get up and finish the remaining work and went off to work a double shift at the herb store.A little after 5pm, I felt it-a burning sensation in my upper abdomen. The pain was familiar, but not something I had experienced in over 10 years when I was diagnosed with an ulcer.

I became slightly concerned after the pain increased and resulted in dry heaving. For those not familiar that is when you throw-up but there is nothing in your system. None of the water or tea came up as it had been absorbed from fasting, so I took heed and ate something.

Ayurvedically speaking, I am considered high fire. I make decisions quickly and am constantly on the move on various projects. The fire is necessary and when it is low or goes out, I become sluggish and heavy, on the other hand when the fire is out of control, it is just as damaging. I had to call on my support group to work things out while I tended to self and today I feel much better.Eating helped where drinking did not and sleep also brought things to a managable balance.

The lesson, know thy self. Instead of just liquids, I probably should just do raw foods at this time, where my fire is higher. It was a good run though, fasting brings change for me and it's clear in my space and my physical form that things are clearer.In the end it was a great experience and despite how I came out of it, to know my fire is that powerful is oddly enough, more endearing than disturbing.

IA

Functioning Distance

It has been quite some time since my last post. I have always been more of a talker than writer, but that is something I am trying to change. In my role as counselor, I learn a great deal and I feel that it is part of my life path to be a messenger, so I am attempting to keep this blog as updated as possible.

The messages and lessons for the past few weeks have all centered around scarcity. There is a space where we sometimes get trapped and believe that we are not enough. This place would have us believe that we don't have enough of anything: food, clothes, money, etc. This "scarcity thinking" leads to "scarcity action" and before you know it, much like chicken little--"the sky is falling."

As divine beings, we all have the power to create our existence. With the popularity of The Secret, the Law of Attraction has been popularized, but at the same time misunderstood. Not only do you have to think it, you have to be the action that brings to you the things you want. But here's the rub-you don't need everything you want.

We cannot forget that the Universe, God, Ancestors, Spirit Guides know best. We as humans have only a very narrow understanding that no matter how heightened, is still only able to handle a few perspectives at a time. Sometimes what we want, in the long run, isn't good for us. And sometimes, we are our own greatest challenge. Scarcity is a reflection of being at "soul's edge". If you imagine your self as a point inside a circle, abundance happens when you are closest to center. The closer you are to the edge of your being, the closer you are to scarcity.

It is not always easy to remain centered, but it is imperative that you stay away from the edge. Life requires that you move and change, but growth happens when you are able to recognize scarcity and pull yourself away from the thoughts and actions that lead to discord. I have watched people around me in the last few weeks, and it is intriguing to see how we all deal with the pace of living.

As a ritualist, I realized earlier this year that a centered perspective was not going to be easy to maintain without ritual and herbal support. In preparation for a huge event, I felt myself gravitating towards the edge. In helping a colleague, I found a way to pull myself back to center and tether myself like a kite held by a rock. A daily tonic of ginseng, cinnamon, ashwaghanda, triphala and shatavari along with various tea blends enabled me to function at a distance. The constant offerings to me at my personal altar, created the necessary balance between this world and the next.

Instead of being in the "fray" of my life, I am now able to remain at center and handle things from almost an objective point of view. Yes, there are times when I want to smack someone, or even yell, but it's different now. Not being "caught up" is helping me work better and it is also allowing me to tap into that limitless divine energy that we all have access to.

In the end, the distance allows for clarity, without losing sight of what needs to be done. It is so necessary to remember ourselves as we journey and even more necessary to support our journey with sacred and divined action. We are human, but we are of God as well, to focus on one more than the other creates a schism that leads to the edge. Trust your instincts and honor your whole self, otherwise life will always be one of scarcity.

Take Care-
IA

Trust and Abundance

In fighting my hibernation, I have realized that it was necessary. Being a bit of a gadget freak,I was a bit dismayed when my blackberry had a fatal error and my laptop's hard drive crashed all within days of each other. For almost a week, I couldn't conduct business "on the go" as usual. It was weird not being able to tell people I was on the way, or not having the capability to take work with me, but looking back, I understand what it was all about.

I had said in a previous blog that I wasn't ready to start 2008. I felt like I needed more time.Well you get what you ask for.The technical glitches were quite useful to that end. I came out on the other side feeling quite protected and ready to face the day as it were. Sometimes, we need to step away from the fray. Not for any other reasons, than to be with our own thoughts. In fostering a centered perspective, we have to be willing to not take ourselves too seriously and just let things flow as they like. Once I accepted that the phone and laptop were dead, it was easier to enjoy the space between dysfunction and function. Once both were up and running again, I felt better equipped to handle the things that need to be done.

Ultimately, I have to remind myself that I am only one person and that while it is important to be on top of things, it is equally important to be in the midst of things. The journey is richer when I take the time to be aware of it.

Speaking of journeys, I went up to NY for a client's show last week and returned early evening Saturday. In the short time I was there, I learned a great deal about my decision to converge all my skills and my joy in doing such. It feels good to take care of clients in a holistic manner.

In bringing the manager/counselor/herbalist/friend together, I am living my truth. I invited another client to tag along because they needed a break. Earlier in the week disappointment and despair had set in and this particular client needed to get away. The trip was chock full of laughs and the normal tensions that often accompany our trips was gone. Apparently, said client had had an epiphany-if you focus only on the negative, it eats you up from the inside out.

They realized how much they allowed negative thoughts to dictate their moods and actions and made a conscious effort to be more positive-minded. As a result, this was the first trip we have ever taken,where we didn't argue once. It may not sound like rocket science, but there is a simple truth that cannot be ignored. Thoughts have power. When they are negative they have the power to ruin lives. Those thoughts that come from fear particularly, only result in creating more fear. Fear if left unchecked, will leak into other parts of your life, until everyone around you is infected. This leads to a great deal more conflict and can have a devastating effect on the quality of your life, including your health.

We have the power to create our own reality with a simple thought. In going on the NY trip, I didn't focus on past trips and the tensions that often accompanied them. I just looked forward to a good time. It was so much fun! I saw a great show, hung out with beautiful people and picked up a new client. The client in need of the getaway, learned a little more about themselves and their capacity to be happy. The little challenges associated with travel were handled far better than in the past and by the last day,we were able to congratulate each other on trip well traveled.

As always, I am humbled at the amount of love in my life. In being part of a supportive group of folks, spirit moves freely and helps us all be better and whole. We trust each other and in doing so, allow bygones to be bygones and try to do better the next time around. This simple concept is not easily managed by everyone, but for those that make the effort, there is an honest reward.

To the universe, I say "Thank you for the lessons." To those who read this, I hope that in this you find confirmation and/or insight. Live a fuller life, by being responsible and present.

IA

The In Between: breaking the seal

It is the fifth day of January 2008. I am not ready. I have had a difficult time making the transition into the steady action I expected to have in the new year. I am definitely no longer in 2007, but '08 isn't solidified just yet. The hardest part has been the underlying anxiety that lurks when I am not paying attention. I realize that regardless of the calendar, I am move at my own speed. In recognizing this I am working slowly towards the new year. I think I'm almost there, but want a little more time to myself before I begin.

How do you move at your own pace in a world that decides when people are allowed to take a break. Ideally, the holidays served as a signal that things had slowed down, but with the new year upon us, its as if break time is over and we are just supposed to pick up and keep it moving. The odd thing is normally I don't have a problem with this, but as of late, it has been hard. Instead of resisting, I am accepting and making smaller to-do lists that can be accomplished in my hibernation state. Oddly enough, according to some recent research, I have found that I fall under the Bear category in Native American religion. I guess hibernation is appropriate for now.

Howling winds of change...

Greetings,

As I sit here and type this message, I can hear the winds howling outside. I feel protected and warm in my sanctuary and am ever thankful for the place I call home. Tomorrow I face what may be one of the biggest changes in a long time. I am anxious and think I may be breaking out in hives as a result, but know that it is time to face the music.

In my Goddess seminar, I often talk to women about the importance of "deal breakers". Everyone has a point, where once crossed, things change forever. Unfortunately, we often don't establish those within ourselves until faced with them. Women in particular have a natural capacity to love and if not forgive, accept all sorts of hurtful and harmful behavior from others. This capacity allows for abuse in relationships, low self-esteem, fear and the all pervasive doubt and despair. In the end by not establishing deal breakers, we don't know when it's time to walk away from a dysfunctional situation.

When we know what we will not tolerate and what the parameters for forgiveness are, we are able to create honest relationships. Let's face it, we are human and as such, will all make mistakes. No one is perfect and that is just the way it is. But, when mistakes are made, how we choose to deal with them, determines for me at least, where the deal breaker line is made. The key to deal breakers is that you first have to take responsibility for the role you may have played in the conflict. Once you have established this and made amends, then you assess what else needs to be done. The key, is starting with self. Even if you were the "victim" of bad behavior or discourteous treatment (please keep in mind, I am talking about wars, acts of genocides, or other malicious or random acts of violence and/or abuse), you still need to start with self.

In my other life, I work with artists and part of my approach is getting them to see themselves as valuable and relevant. Most artists are talented, but work from a place of fear. Very few are confident in their abilities and I think that it's largely due to the fact that as a society, "artists" are so prevalent that there is no respect for the craft any longer. Everyone thinks they are a poet, or a singer or a producer, when what we are often dealing with are people who are technologically capable and feel entitled by that technology to say whatever they want. I can't knock it, but as a manager, I have to understand how that might be intimidating and wear on a client. In any case, I am constantly cheer leading and trying to get my clients (some of them) to see what I see-confident and relevant people with something to say. A long-time friend and client did something that for me crossed into the area of "deal breakers" and in processing things I see where I was at fault and understand why I still have so much anger.

In this current situation, I saw success in pairing an up and coming client with a non-producing one. I have to say, in my opinion they are both immensely talented individuals and could really learn a great deal from each other, but alas, confidence, or lack there of, always throws off the best of plans. In short, a gig booked two months in advance was thwarted when one of the clients decided to pull out citing "not being needed" because of the inclusion additional instrumentation. The whys and whats are not as important as the fact that said client 1) agreed to participate and 2) demanded the title of music director or band leader because as it was stated the band would have to "lock into me". The decision to add instrumentation, was solely based on a meeting earlier in the week, where said client in acknowledging things were not ready, took no responsibility and made no guarantees that things would be ready in time for the last rehearsal. The previous rehearsals had been completely non-productive and shit to be quite honest, so that a rehearsal the day before the show was necessary. Even worse, in ditching the band four days before the show, this client not only left as a part of the band, but also as a leader. So four days before the show and a day before a major holiday, there is no show, just a bunch of emails back and forth and pressure to make this work in spite of it all.

Since the fiasco, I have been left with a very sick feeling that this person is no longer the person I thought them to be. What's worse is the behavior since the said incident, which has been at best indignant and egotistical. It took me awhile to pinpoint it, but I finally realize that the deal breaker in this case is a lack of honor.

There were 2-3 mitigating circumstances that have since been cited as reasons for the departure, but none of them are strong justifications for the 'back door" exit. The sad part is that 2 of the 3 sole-called reasons were in place when said artist agreed to participate and the third albeit a family issue, was of no concern initially, but became an additional reason after having assessed my role, I apologized for having them work together in the beginning.

It is hard sometimes to forgive in the midst of anger and I usually recommend a cooling off period before trying to sort through the muck. However, it has been almost three weeks since the offending incident and I find that I can't shake the anger. I also find that I can't see this as anything, but a deal breaker.

The resaon why self-assessment is important in the deal breaker arena is because sometimes,, especially with people that you are close to, you find that they have been offending for quite sometime. The only difference is that now you are the target or victim, instead of someone else. In reviewing our relationship, this behavior, though a gross example of unprofessionalism, is unfortunately in line with what I have witnessed when said artist has been presented with similar conflicts in other aspects of their lives. Unfortunately, this is a person that does not make decisions until forced. This is a person that will allow things to get so out of control that the decision has to be made by others or in doing nothing, a worse outcome presents itself. I have witnessed this and called them on it several times, but because it didn't affect me personally, I didn't see it as a deal breaker.

The sad part is that in realizing all of this, I find that outside of a really talented soul, I don't lose much of anything by their departure. The talent is there, but there is no heart, which is very necessary for what we do. As a friend, it started off well enough, but even by their own admission, they aren't really good at that either. In this space I understand that to not stand by my deal breakers, I am just as dishonorable as that client. In a way, I am more dishonorable. We all have to pay for what we do and what energies we put out into the universe. I cannot stay angry, because ultimately that energy is returned three fold.

I can accept that a line has been crossed and state what it will take to get back on track, but I cannot accept or condone any action that offends me so much to be considered a deal breaker. So, as I close I feel a sense of accomplishment and sadness. I know what I have to do tomorrow and that in doing so, I claim for myself dignity and honor in saying "I will not accept this". I also know that there is a chance that someone that has been part of my life for some time, may not be able to accept my terms and may walk away forever.

In the end I love myself too much not to demand satisfaction, so the deal breakers will have to stay. With them firmly in place, I am able to better protect myself and those around me. To cross the line, is to trigger a deep knowing that things are amiss and off-center. We all need deal breakers because while they may cause short-term anger and anxiety, they often stave off long-term dysfunction that ultimately tears at the soul and leaves it fragmented. You can love people, but some not so close, deal breakers allow us to love from a distance and maintain or self-love and respect. Ultimately, for me, those two are far more precious.

Until next time,

IA

Welcome....I am who she is..

I am known by several different names, but" Iya Agba"is the essence of me. I decided to start this blog as a way to "dump" my thoughts and insights. There is so much going on right now and as I continue on my path, I find that the physical act of writing is sometimes too tedious and not fast enough. I am Yoruba by birth and while my path has been one mostly of intuition, spirit has led me through several transitions and eventual evolutions. I find that with each new layer, I shed skin and ties to people and material things. There are a great many of us out here making a way in the human world and it is important that as we grow, we still respect our human form. In trying to share what I have learned, I decided to take what I do and codify it into a tangible presentation. Thus, Iya Agba was born. I don't understand why I chose the name Iya Agba as a title for what I do, but at the time, it felt right. It is a Yoruba phrase and the loose translation is "old mother" or "old wise woman". It is also one of the many terms used to describe a priestess in Yoruba. Oddly enough, I didn't know that until I did some research, but when I consider my birth name is "Iyabo", which means "mother returns", it all makes sense.

I haven't been on this earth long, but I feel like I have been here before. I am constantly challenged by those around me, term my zealous idealism. I move forward and with each lesson, I am able to help those around me. My personal experiences have served as great teachers and I find the titles of "healer" and "teacher" more comfortable mantles than before. I want to help people see themselves in their true light, without fear and judgment. My work entails one-on-one and group counseling whereby I am able to listen intuitively to what people are saying. I am not a medium, but more of a sensitive listener and sometimes I get messages that are very specific to the person I am listening to. So far, what I have learned as I do this work is that most people are lying to themselves. While it's not malicious, it is harmful because there are a great deal of false realities being created in the place of this thing we call life.

Right now, I am in the throes of several different thoughts about my place in the communities I am part of, and many of the conflicts stem from an inability for most people to take responsibility for their predicaments. There has been a great deal of blame and anger and not enough love and responsibility, in recent weeks. I am actually very angry and have been working through it various rituals and honest review. It actually saddens me in a way that I am unfortunately all too familiar with, because these conflicts, for me signal a departure from truth, which for me is always a deal breaker. Truth and honesty are probably the two most important things to me and without them I am lost. I cannot exist or counsel in anything less a basic respect for these two concepts. With truth sometimes comes pain, but without it, there is no growth and ultimately now real change.

Life should be lived and experienced with a deep and conscious awareness, not treated like idle play. My mission is to live a full and aware life and in doing so, assist people in recognizing their power to create lives that are fulfilling and meaningful. We are blessed in this day and age because the information and the proof exists all around us. We have the ability to understand very simple concepts, yet, we complicate things with doubt and fear. As another year comes to a close, I look back and see so much beauty and joy, but I also see the challenges and the hurdles that it took to get to that beauty and joy. Life is short, either you evolve or you stand still. I, prefer to move forward. And with that being said, I welcome you to my world.

Until next time, be gentle with yourself.