This morning around 5am the entire house started to shake. I suspected it was an earthquake, but dismissed it as a ridiculous notion, since after all this is Maryland. It was a short episode, but I felt shaken inside in a way that I had never experienced. I had no control over whatever it was that had just happened. I couldn't make it stop. I awoke later to find that my intuition was in fact spot on. I had experience, albeit a minor one, my first earthquake. Later that morning, I went to my trainer who put me through an intense workout. He offered up a smoothie as a reward and then it happened-"ACHOO!"
I sneezed and thus started what might possibly be the second flu-like illness this summer! Already since that first sneeze, I have been battling the headaches, sinus congestion, sneezing and slight fever associated with illness. The last bout was a month ago. It left me drained and seriously considering the emergency room. I thought then, like I do now that there must be a connection.
Fast forward to my shift this evening at Smile. I spoke to a customer on the phone who was suffering from constipation due to IBS/colitis. I could hear her frustration as she explained the past few months of special diets, loss of energy and imbalance. I recommended a remedy for her current condition and then made suggestions for long-term maintenance. At this point I should share that I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 1998. It started out as IBS and progressed from there. It was by far, the most debilitating physical experience of my life and it really took a great deal of soul searching to find a solution. I had listened to the doctor's recommendations to no avail. At some point, I started listening to myself.
My doctor was convinced that I had some sort of infection despite all of the negative test results. When I asked if my condition could be stress related, she looked at me and said quite confidently, "Nobody is that stressed." I, of course knew better and believed that there was a connection between what was clearly happening to me physically and what I couldn't grasp emotionally/spiritually. Once I made the connection, I made a decision to reclaim my physical self, by acknowledging those things hidden deep within. It was from this place that I offered the customer on the phone the additional advice:
Whatever it is you are holding onto, get it out of you! Colitis (I believe) is all about the things we hold onto. The things we store in our gut that don't belong to us. It's hard to move in this world when you have to haul around your stuff and everybody else's. I told Carol, the customer, "Write a letter to everyone that you have issue with. Be honest and use whatever language you need to use to get the angst, anger, resentment and whatever else out." Once the letters were written, I instructed her to put them in envelopes and address them, but not to seal them. The next step was to place the letters somewhere and walk away. "If after about two weeks you feel compelled to send your letter to the addressed, go for it. If after two weeks, you find that writing was all you needed--burn them. Whatever you do, get the stuff that's making you sick out of you, so your body can find balance." At this last part, Carol sighed heavily like a weight was being lifted off of her.
I shared my story and the energy on the other end was a little lighter than when we first began. Carol admitted that there were some family issues and that those issues were a contributing factor to her depressed state. She liked the idea of the letters and was very appreciative of the suggested remedies. "Bless you Risi," she said, "Thank you so much for what you have said." The phone called ended with well wishes and we both felt like she had a good plan to go on. I hung up the phone and was left to ponder my own imbalance: What was I holding on to?
While I still am not sure of the connection between this current illness, I do not doubt that it is there looking me right in the face. In sharing this week's insight, I continue to recognize the healing that comes when we are able to look past our physical ailments to a deeper place where the imbalance truly lies. Our bodies our powerful, adaptive machines that will always put out what we put in. The key to discovering the connections is in keeping up with our input and b-not being afraid to let go of those things that do us harm-ALL of it.
Fridays at Smile is a reflective piece based on the insights I gain during my weekly shift at Smile Herb Shop. The names are fictional, but the stories are real.
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